Faith Crisis
About 30 minutes ago I was faced with a faith-life crisis.
It surprised me what this crisis was, because a few years ago, a faith-life crisis to me would probably have occurred somewhere in an apologetics conversation concerning the defense of the resurrection of Christ. But today it happened at Tatum and Bell Road.
I was driving home after an over-priced haircut that I was already feeling badly about when I stopped at the intersection. A man well past 50 was standing on the corner in the 108+ degree heat with window cleaner and newspaper. He looked like he had been out there all summer. He looked tired and hot and disappointed. Probably watching all the expensive cars and Mercedes (like mine) go by and no one stopping to let this man work for some extra cash.
I'm crying as I write this because I feel like I failed him and failed God. I was thinking as I was sitting there about Donald Miller saying that he and his friends were talking about "loving people just because they existed." I felt that's what this man needed.
But I didn't know what that meant I could or should do in this situation. I didn't have any cash on me. I was parked in the farthest turn lane away from him. I had a whining two-year-old in the back seat who was ready for a nap, so I didn't feel like I would be able to go somwhere to get him something and still come back. And I think, what will one $20 bill really do for this man in the long run?
And then the light turned and I drove on.
7 Comments:
You have no idea how this resonates with me. It seems God has brought these opportunities up in every possible place and situation lately, and every time I fail in some way. I find myself at this place of inaction because I can't figure out which is the most wise way to spend my time/money. Is that what God wants? Inaction until we have it all figured out? Should I be sensative to the Spirit and thus act, regardless of how they might spend my precious $20? If you have any answers, let me know because I am at a loss. How do I put good stewardship, safety, wisdom, ect... together with compassion and empathy? And is it my place to decide if they are "worthy" of the money I give them?
On a site note, praise God you were sensative to it and didn't leave that intersection without another thought of the situation!
1:22 PM
in regards to Sarah's comment: I've come to believe that it's not a matter of what THEY will do with the $20 I give them (or whatever the amount). It's what I do with the money God gives me (and if He wants me to give it to someone, I must do it - no questions asked). After all, it may be that my heart's worship of my money is of bigger issue to God than whether or not they go buy a beer and cigarettes with it!!
2:21 PM
Thanks for your post Audra, I think we've all struggled through this one.
Whenever I go to Midway airport in South Chicago, I pass a particular intersection I know will always have at least one professional beggar on it. I see the same people sometimes... telling different stories. Each time I see them, or any of the folks frequenting the Chicago city sidewalks, I ask, "Father, do I give here?" Sometimes I give, sometimes I don't... but I always ask. I figure it's not my money, so I'd better leave the decision to Him. I'm ready, open-handed even, but try to avoid absolutist formulas that tend to lead to one more form Godless religion.
For now, that's my take on it... What do you think?
Peace.
- JL
6:54 AM
Fail is such a harsh word in this circumstance. That sounds like the accuser talking.
I've learned from some brief research on homelessness/poverty that people begging, don't mind living that way and are often begging to support a habit.
The people who are ashamed of their circumstances are in need of help to get back on their feet. Those are the people that you need to find, not them finding you.
Fight Satan's accusations with truth. Pray for those people, don't waste the thought. Don't focus on yourself.
12:35 AM
Dear "Anonymous" -
You missed the pivital line!! "loving people just because they existed."
Jesus' only qualifications for who to serve (money, time, etc.) are "neighbor" (which He then turns into something akin to "everyone") and "needy." Not progressing out of needy-ness, not analyzed first. Just 'needy.'
What you also missed is the Holy Spirit. Your research is crap if the Spirit says do something contrary. When did research replace the Holy Spirit?
Read the post again and look for Audra, not statistics. Look for the movement of the Spirit, not an analysis of the man's future. Look at her reaction and wonder where it's coming from, not where "that man" is going!
Bravo, Audra, for letting the Spirit stick you like a knife. It's fun to watch you, Tara, myself, others, wrestle with the reality of our ridiculous incomes!
d.
11:15 PM
David,
How do you know if it's the H.S. or the accuser?
Is there something to be said about the idea of being an accomplice to sin, in this case laziness, drugs...?
A recent quote I heard, "Is prayer a steering wheel or a spare tire?" Maybe, just maybe (I'm processing this all myself too) if the H.S. put that man on Audra's heart it was to pray for him. I don't think that the H.S. tells us we failed. I know the accuser tells us that all the time. Also, I appreciate that you are acting like a big brother to Audra, but let her respond.
10:41 PM
Dear Anonymous,
You can never know if it's the accuser or the Spirit or something else. Satan quotes the words of God (the usual "standard" Christians use to estabilish whether a conviction is from God or not), "the heart is decietful above all else - who can trust it" (God), I am in tune with wildly different things depending on what I ate and how much I have slept.
So I guess we'd better not go with ANYTHING that strikes the heart.
Further, as to failing, you wrote, "I don't think that the H.S. tells us we failed." What about 2 Corinthians 7?!? Or do we relegate that to Paul's conviction, not the Spirit's? So take it further, what about sorrow that leads to repentance, but not by the hand of another human - is that still Paul or is it the Spirit using the Bible? And would this not be exactly what Audra wrote?
I am not Audra's big brother but I am her brother and so I respond as such. Further, my response is not soley for/to Audra but to you as well. The less-than-life system of thinking you are using is internally inconsistent and needs to be rethought.
And in it's most condensed expression, you are saying that what the Spirit is doing is not of the Spirit but of Satan. Someone else I know was accused of that. I do not think you would like to be lumped in with this Man's accusers.
2:11 PM
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